"A great marriage consists of two great forgivers".
Have you ever noticed that it’s easier to forgive a stranger (like someone who cut you off in traffic) than someone close to you, especially your spouse? It’s not easy, but here’s the deal: If you want a beautiful marriage, then it will absolutely require sacrifice, and there is no greater sacrifice than forgiveness in marriage. The greatest sacrifice Christ ever made was forgiving us of literally everything (unkindness, disinterest, rejection, unfaithfulness – the list is endless), and His sacrificial love compels us to forgive one another, especially those closest to us.
As spouses, we will certainly hurt one another at some point, and if we can’t offer one another forgiveness, then we have no hope for a lasting relationship! Forgiveness brings us so much freedom and healing in marriage.
Ephesians 4:32 calls us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, as Christ has forgiven us.
Colossians 3:12 & 13 urges us to “Put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience and bear with one another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven us.” These are some tall orders and easier said than done, when the person closest to you wounds you beyond imagination. You may think this is not possible, but we have seen the impossible happen in marriages, when one spouse chooses to forgive another and find a way to move forward with hope. It’s never easy and sometimes quite the process, but it is possible!
Another verse, Matthew 18:22, reminds us to forgive over and over and over again. That can be so frustrating at times, but when we think about how many times God has forgiven us (over and over and over again), it is humbling and makes us realize we don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, any more than our spouse is deserving of ours. If you think of all the times we need to forgive each other in marriage, it’s a lot! If we’re honest, we would say how many times you need to forgive your spouse in a lifetime of marriage would be innumerable. You have to forgive for the unintentional hurts, the intentional hurts, the words that may be said (or words that weren’t said), the ways they didn’t know how to love you, the ways they chose not to love you…you get the idea. We could go on forever about all the ways we need to forgive one another in marriage. It can be exhausting at times to keep forgiving your spouse, but there’s so much power in forgiveness.
Here’s something you need to know: At Live the Life, we have seen many marriages restored and redeemed (and now making an impact on others) simply because one spouse chose to forgive another. It’s one of the most beautiful things to witness in marriage ministry! Of course, this isn’t just cut and dry. Forgiveness doesn’t automatically equate to healing and trust and restoration in a marriage. It’s a process, but forgiveness is usually the beginning of that process.
When we teach Adventures in Marriage, one of the things we encourage couples to do is “stay inside your circle”, which basically means to focus on yourself and what your part of growing and learning is, rather than pointing out your spouse’s faults. Forgiveness is part of staying in your circle. You are only responsible for your actions and choices, not anyone else’s. No one can FORCE you to forgive. You have to decide that on your own.
Have you ever heard the saying: “Forgiveness doesn’t make them right; it makes you free”! This is the power of forgiveness. It can set you free to move forward and be healed in ways you never thought possible.
Now that we’ve shared the Power of Forgiveness, you may be wondering HOW to forgive your spouse if you’ve been hurt. Here are a few ways to get you started.
1. PRAY!! The word of God is clear that we can’t do anything in our own power, especially the hard things. Asking God to help you is going to be essential to forgive your spouse (over and over again). Ask God for strength and grace and mercy so you can offer those same things to your spouse when needed.
2. COMMUNICATE!! One of the many tools we teach in our Hope Weekends is called “Taking Out the Trash” and it can bring so much healing for couples to pour out their hearts to one another and be a safe space for each other to begin the healing process. Sometimes it’s necessary to share with your spouse that they have hurt you and that the healing process and trust will take some time, but also let them know you are choosing to forgive them (even though it doesn’t just fix everything), because you love them (not necessarily because they deserve it).
3. REMEMBER that we are called to forgive, as Christ has forgiven us. In addition, remember that forgiveness is about the past, not about the future. Forgiveness doesn’t rebuild trust. That takes time (along with a change in behavior) but it’s a great starting place!
4. QUICKLY!! Try to keep short accounts in your marriage and forgive your spouse of offenses quickly. Keep a short tab! This makes it easier when there are monumental things in your marriage that require forgiveness. If you’ve practiced forgiving your spouse with every small offense, then it will come easier to forgive the large offenses.
5. REFLECT! Think about all the times that Christ has forgiven you of offenses and offer forgiveness to your spouse as a gift to the Lord. It’s also helpful to think of all the times your spouse has offered you forgiveness and grace. None of us are perfect, and we are all in need of forgiveness at times.
Are you interested in learning more about the classes mentioned in this post?
Adventures in Marriage - is for couples who need help communicating and learning how to bond and connect with each other.
Hope Weekend - IF YOU ARE STUCK and have had some major trauma in your marriage recently, you may need some help moving forward and healing and learning to forgive your spouse. We have something specially designed for you. It’s called Hope Weekend and it’s truly where marriage miracles take place! It’s one of the most transformative experiences you will ever participate in, and we offer them all throughout the state of Florida.
By forgiving as Christ forgave, couples can experience deeper intimacy, spiritual growth, and a resilient marriage that honors God and brings Him glory! We hope you and your spouse will practice forgiveness daily in your marriage and experience the beauty and freedom and joy that comes from it.
Comments